Reflections on the friends I have, and may never meet...

Tonight I looked out of our windows and saw in the darkness of 2:00 in the morning a house on the hill with lights on- and was flooded with emotions.  Rewind six years ago and Jay and I had just moved in together and we would often take the fur kids on hikes.  There was this one hill way atop that had this beautiful view, and a gorgeous house atop it. We sat- overlooking the house on the hill and I looked around at my "family"- Jay, my then boyfriend- Luka, our dog, Mirage - our second dog, and Austin- our cat.  I never met the people who lived there- I don't know if they were old or young- if they had just moved in or lived there 20 years or more.  I wondered about them, what they looked like, what their family was like...Six years later and I still have never met them; I don't know if I will ever meet them, or if our paths have crossed, will cross, or may never cross.  Isn't that such a strange concept?  This happens millions a times a day-throughout our entire lives- we are just going by, living our lives while people are living their own lives.  Their joys and celebrations, their hear breaks and sorrows, their loves and losses- we are all just living.

My life is so different now from that first hike.  Jay proposed- Danica my stepdaughter moved in, Mila - my second stepdaughter would come to visit, and since then -we have had not one but two babies- Brooklyn and Cali.  We  have since lost two of our fur kids.  Sadly Mirage was in a hit and run  on a Christmas Eve last year- the  saddest christmas of my life- but four sweet days later my gorgeous baby Cali was born- and filled my darkest hour with some light.  Austin, our cat got sick, he rapidly began losing weight and getting what appeared to be cancer according to one of the vets.  Towards the end he did not leave my side- he even ate and drank which game me hope and then one day- he meowed to go out and has  never returned.  I read animals do this when it's their time- my heart breaks, but without closure of a final goodbye it does not feel real.  I often think I see him in the shadows of the night, only to realize it's not. So odd how I can spend 6-10 years so intimately, working from home, seeing them every day, sleeping with them, thinking of them as my "kids"... and then one day, just like that, they're gone, and my family as I knew it just six short years ago is so different in such a short period of time.

I wonder how those people who live in that houses life might have changed- if at all.  Do they ever look up at our house and lights in the night and wonder the same thing?

This area, unlike NYC and RTP is not transient.  More often than not the people I meet were born here, have grown old here and will most likely die here.  Very few travel outside these areas and even less have plans of moving.  Jay and I are nomads, Rolling Stones.  Between the two of us we have moved 20 times, multiple statues and even countries.  Although I am not shy at making friends, (I always say a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet")  I often am reserved to really truly get close to anyone - - sort of unconscious affect to avoid the pain of losing friendships after I inevitably move as I always have.

I am thankful to social media - especially facebooked for this reason.  So many people get to participate and stay involved in our lives and vice versa- no matter where we live.

On trips -Jay and I have been to 75 countries and countless cities and towns- we often meet people through our adventures.  Jay calls these encounters- a reason, a season or a lifetime.  You never know how the person you meet- albeit a fleeting period of time in the scheme of your life will impact the rest of your entire life... or, perhaps just a flickering shadow in the memories of your life.  

Our most recent example would be our newest friend -Wayne; we met on the ferry from Ireland to Liverpool.  He only takes that ferry twice a year- we happened to be on one of those two voyages.  Out of thousands of people aboard, we happend to sit next  each other.  Rather then remain silent- he started a conversation about our accents and  inquired where we were from.  As an Irish fellow, he happened to live in the states when he was 16.  We ended up chatting for the entire three hour voyage- even while Jay fell asleep in between us.  I had plans of playing matchmaker with this delightful, polite single young man with the adorable accent to one of my single friends (you know who you are). He even helped me to entertain (and wrangle) some of the mischievous Irish, and UK baby/toddler girls who wandered around and became friends with Brooklyn and Cali to prevent them from waking Jay up while taking selfies while he slept with his IPAD and giggling.  We became friends- and then FB friends- -and now somebody who I might never have seen again will forever be our friends.

I am also reminded of Narayan, our tour guide in Nepal- one of our honeymoon destinations.   We spent three days with him and we loved it there, and being in his knowledgeable, warm and inviting company... we promised if we ever went back to scale Mt. Everest or simply eat the delicious local cuisine called MoMos-  it would be with him.  Imagine a few years later how devastated I was when the earthquake hit Nepal- and how relieved I was when he marked his family safe on FB (I would have always wondered and worried had we lost touch).

Perhaps my biggest reminder is my South African friend "Dad Deon"- who was my tour guide in SA the month before I met Jay.  During that trip- My  grandmother passed away -and I got extremely sick.  Deon was more of a dad to me then my real dad ever was.  He cared for me, consoled me, took me to the doctors and insured I felt loved and taken care of....even when I was all the way around the world, without my closest family or friends, I was blessed to have my dear friend Jared- as well as the new friends I made.   I of course became FB friends with him and his beautiful wife Vinessa and family and think of them all often- all the way on the other side of the world- but just a click away thanks to Facebook.  We are like tech savvy new version of pen pals.

Heck I even met my sister and brother  thanks to  facebook - but that deserves its own blog.  :)

Sure, there are many more people I have met that I have not connected with and may never see again.      Times like this, when I am feeing melancholy and thoughtful I think of each of them.  I wish them health and happiness and hope that one day, someday our paths might cross again.  I am thankful for the evolution of technology-  and that people I meet along the way I can connect with and share in this crazy journey we call life.  There are so many people I have only met a few times but our lives have become interwoven and they have truly earned a place in my heart (and on my newsfeed).

I am not sure if we will grow old here, or move in a few months.  I don't know who will enter my life, or who will leave it... or who will cross my path along the way.  I do not know when the first time I meet someone if that is the last- or the beginning of a lifelong friendship... but I hope it is.  I hope to know you, I hope that my journey is filled with amazing people like the ones I have been blessed to know so far.  I don't know where my destination will take me, or any of us... but I am excited for the journey (and to have YOU in my life...be it a reason, a season, or my lifetime).

30 Things I have Learned Before 30!

So here is my short list the things I have learned thus far, I am sure I have a lot to learn, but I look forward to that.

1.  The world is a remarkable place...  You can choose to see the good in it, or the bad;  The best in people or the worst...That is a choice.

2. The little things in life, there's nothing bigger.  Sometimes the moment that mean the most to you are not the big planned events, but the small things that happen when you least expect it.  Take care to not miss those.

3.  Sometimes when everything goes wrong, it's meant to.  For those of you who are a perfectionist/type A like me :)  You can
agree that there is something comforting about being in control of a situation, and insuring that everything goes smoothly.
What I have learned, is that is not always the case.  Some things in life you cannot avoid, and it's not about what you are faced with but how you react to it that counts.

4. Laughter is life's best medicine.   I have learned to laugh at losing my luggage, rather than letting it ruin my vacation- it ends up being a much more interesting story later on. Rolling with the punches, and turning lemons into lemonade allows you to get through most of life's strife, with a smile no less.  It also makes you much more appealing to those around you.

5. Explore- there are hidden treasures around every corner, make sure to take the time to look for them.

6.  Help Others- the feeling you get from others is mutually beneficial, and there is no better feeling than helping someone in need, and feeling like you helped make a difference in the world, or in that persons life.

7. Life is short, don't waste it dwelling in the shoulda' coulda' woulda's. Remember the experiences fondly, learn from the mistakes, take a deep breath, and turn the page.

8.  We all experience loss.  I have never been particuliarly comfortable with death, although I know it is a part of life.  My uncle Sam got a job working as a funeral limo driver, and has been to all sorts of funerals, all sorts of religions, cultures, and people.  The ones that impacted him the most, were the people who would celebrate the life of the loved ones they lost.  They would sing, and dance, and celebrate their life.  I want to celebrate the life of those I love- during their life, and after they leave this world.

9. Misery loves company- For those who choose to be miserable, I choose not to be dragged down.

10. Be a Tourist- even in your home.  I lived in NYC my whole life, and often would rush from one spot to the next, and was guilty of rolling my eyes at the people who slowed me done.  The day I found out I was moving to NC, I was with three College friends, none of which lived in NY.  As I hurried along, I looked back at my friends lagging behind, and said what are you looking at?  They said- "We are just looking".  That was the first time, I really STOPPED and LOOKED at the home I spent 21 years living in without a real glimpse.  I made sure from that day forward to truly experience every aspect of my "home" no matter where it may be.

11. We can sometimes be our own worst critics.  Don't be so harsh on yourself. Take the time to love yourself.  You need to love you, and be complete and whole, before anyone else can compliment that.  You matter most, and there is nothing in the world more real than the freedom you feel once you have come to completely love yourself.

12.  Don't judge a book by it's cover.  Cliche as it is- it always holds true.

13. Take responsibility for your actions; if you are wrong, say you are sorry and MEAN it. If you are blaming someone else, stop.  No one is stifling you except yourself, and if you think otherwise: Who do you think controls your actions, your thoughts, and your patterns? You do! Stop being the victim and start being the solution.

14.  ALWAYS tell the truth. The truth always comes out in the end, and nobody likes a Liar.

15.  Stove Theory- 2 strike rule.  The first time you burn your hand on a stove- that's not your fault.  You didn't know what it was, or how hot it was. If you now know it's hot, and keep sticking your hand on the stove, at a certain point the fault lands back on you.  It's okay to forgive somebody once, but don't expect to change the spots on a leopard. If people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

16.  We never know what goes on in the hearts, minds, and homes, of people we encounter.  Cut them some slack, and grant people the benefit of doubt.

17.  Prioritize your day by starting with the most critical things on your list.  You may not finish everything, but it will give you ease to know you have knocked off the most important things first.

18.  A smile is universal.  Despite are differences, We all are the same- deep down.

19.  Children and Animals are angels (some are just covered in fur).  They deserve to be treasured.  They love unconditionally, trust without cause, and forgive without anger or pause.  I aspire to be more like them.

20.  Do some form of "fun fitness" at least 30 min a day- minimum.  Endorphines are good for the mind, body, and soul.

21.  Oxygen Mask= "YOU TIME"!  In the event of a plane emergency, they tell you to put the oxygen on your own face before you help anyone else. The same is true in "real life" and this is NOT Selfish.  Make sure to take the time to take care of yourself.  It will make you a better partner, spouse, parent, employee, boss etc.

22.  Everything in moderation.  If you want to treat yourself, do so- but remember life is about balance.

23.  Find a new hobby.   Every so often I throw myself into something completely foreign, and fun.  You're never too old to learn something new.  If you have a hidden passion, you have always wanted to  pursue- do so!  Find a local class, learn a new language, start swing dancing, learn how to decorate a cake... Why wait? Start today!

24.  Call me frugal, but I think everything has some room for negotiation.  Worst that can happen, people will say no.  I have even gotten Hot Dog Salesman to sell me a hot dog in Manhattan for a $1 (Brooklyn Pricing) instead of $3 (Manhattan Touristy Pricing)-  I grew up in Brooklyn, come on now, you know it's the same Hot Dog :)

25.  Save for a rainy day.  Now more than ever, you can see the importance of saving.  Force yourself to put a certain amount away every month.  If you don't see it, you won't spend it.  You will thank yourself later.

26.  Put yourself in uncomfortable (not dangerous) situations.  People resist change, but sometimes the best things come from removing yourself from your comfort zone.

27.  Trust your gut. Human Instincts are absolutely incredible, and we should do our best not to supress the most natural of reflexes.

28.  One of my favorite quotes is, "Pray to God but row away from the rocks"- Native Amerian Proverb.  I think it is important to create your own destiny, or at least do your best to avoid disasterous situations.

29.  You have one body, it is your temple.  Treasure it, take care of it, exercise it, challenge it, fuel it and most importantly- love it.  Even more important, love what's on the inside as well!

30.  This is my personal most important.  Live like you are dying!  Why?  We all are- hopefully many years from now, but none of us know for sure until... Don't wait for that moment.  Don't keep putting off things you want to do, places you want to see, things you want to say.  Say them, do them, live them- now- before it's too late.  As Jonathon Swift so eloquently said, "May you LIVE all the days of your LIFE".