On this day, six years ago- I met a boy who changed my life ... Jay McBain

On this day, six years ago, I met a boy.  A cute, smart, sweet handsome man- who made me smile and laugh - until six in the morning!  We sat in a crowded room of music and people and just talked and - fell in love.  He kissed me, and I knew I was in trouble!

The events that unfolded were more than I could have imagined.  We have traveled the world laughing and smiling.  We have been by each others side through good times and bad.  We made a house into a home- you took a young "moon eyed" girl and made her your wife (wif), and a mother (ma ma).

We have loved, we have lost, we have changed (mostly my hair 💁🏼), we have stayed the same (mostly your hair 💇🏻‍♂️), we have fought - I have screamed, you've ignored, we make up 😜.  "I won't give up on us- even if the tides get rough".  You are the calm to my storm ⛈.  We lost fur children, and grandparents 😪, we have watched two daughters grow into beautiful smart young women👯, and two babies be born out of our love ❤️ and grow.

Through it all I love exploring the world with you by my side- regardless of the place, language, or reason (50 + countries, countless cities, thousands of water ways, and infinite paths).  You share the same spontaneity and zest for life I do to make every day an adventure and make the ordinary extraordinary 😍!  We have so many memories in such a short time- a lifetime, and we are just beginning!  I cannot wait for our next adventure.  Or- just laying on the couch smiling and laughing.

I love holding your hand, kissing you, seeing the amazing father you are, the kind son, the loving partner, the good man you are and always strive to be.

You are the first person I want to run to when I have good news, or shoulder I want to cry on when I have the worst day ever, and everything seems to go wrong.  You help make our house a home 🏡- "when you put your arms around me I am home" #WeddingSong it amazes me how we can still talk for 8 hrs on a road trip - and yet few content in silence knowing what the other person is thinking 💭 before they say it.  I like you, I love you 😘💕.  I will always be here for you, no matter what - you are stuck with me 💋.

Some fun memories and inside jokes for you- "never take the same way twice- assassins", "I was making dinner", "do you want some ... cheese 🧀?" "Meow", "I do, I do that!" , "Schmoo1 and Schmoo 2", from sad love songs to fist pumping anthems, "that's my favorite song", "buffer the buffers", "Roses are red, Violets are Blue", "snuffapus", "I'll always have moon 🌙 eyes for you" and love you under the stars ✨ "Up Above's".

Thank you for choosing me, for loving me, for making me fall in love with you over and over again, for keeping me sane, for loving me even when I'm insane, for opening my door, for bringing me chai tea ☕️, for going out even when you don't feel like it, for changing a diaper or two...(or thousands), for sharing your bed, your heart ❤️, your home, your love.  I am blessed - you really are the man of my dreams and I will love you until my last breath! I do, I will, forever! 💗💙

Baby Mine, I will always love you

Deep thoughts 💭

I just laid down with the girls and had Alexa sing us some songs from the lullaby station.  The whole album is beautiful but Nick Lachey sings a gorgeous song “Baby Mine” to his son. At 3:31 Baby Mine Song (the whole album is beautiful lullabies he dedicated to his son Camden).

I laid there, squished in the middle of Brooklyn Marie and Cali Rose and began balling my eyes out.  To the point where I had to calm myself so I didn’t wake them up.

Today was a beautiful and hard day for me.  I took them back with their friends to play for the last time.  Not on the weekends, but with most of them.  I watched them for 2.5 hours speak their own silly language and laugh and sing.   I watched Emma-E (sweet Emily) take her best friends hand and sit under a tree, just the two of them for over half an hour.  In toddler world, that is a lifetime.

I thought, this is what God must feel like to know a future which we do not yet know. To watch us with love and want us to be happy, no matter what.

I prayed we were making the right decision.  People say, they are just kids, they are adaptable, they will make new friends.  But, in that moment my heart broke.  For 3.5 hours every day Brooklyn, Cali and Emily play together. They name their toys after each other.  Brooklyn said she’s excited for the new school as long as Emily comes too. Also, there were new friends I met today too- so ecstatic to see our girls after a few days of their absence, (and me bitter sweet not knowing if we would ever see them again, but hoping someday we would).  Although I’m pretty sure I’ll invite them all to the birthday parties, and play dates... especially Emily, and Jake (Cali’s boyfriend haha 😂).

I begin work next week, after my medical leave. I am thankful I’ve been able to rest and recover and spend the sick days together.  I feel blessed I was able to work from home while they were babies...

Babies. And then it hits me, they are not babies anymore? They call themselves baby, I call them my babies... but they are turning 3 and 5 years old.  It feels like I blinked and there they sit having a conversation with one another.  Starting another school.  I know I will blink again and there will be science projects and math homework and book reports.  And then again and there will be drivers permits and proms and cheer or sports practice.  And again and they will no longer want me to spend 3 hours or even 5 seconds with their friends at school (but I hope that’s not true).

I closed my eyes as I listened to the leaves 🍁 blow in that school yard.  The director, Miss Wendy has been there 30 years.  I wondered how many children have come and gone and grown.  Our very own Emily’s daddy went there when he was a young boy. Where are they now? Where will our girls be? Where will their best friends be? Where will any of us be?

I close my eyes again and I can see myself at that age, walking to school through the changing leafs with my own grandma, Babci.  I miss her more than words.  She died one month before I met Jay, she never got to meet the girls... but I like to believe she was in that breeze in the trees watching over them today with me.

And my mom who has been a blessing for 8 crazy months with us this year - and we are so thankful.  I am sad she is leaving in a month, I know the girls will miss her too- even more change.  So much change.  They miss their nanny Lori and the only home they ever knew, and all of their grandparents as we start our new life in a new state (with one permanent-season- eternal sunshine ☀️... of the spotless mind).  Then of course there was my heart surgery and me being gone in the hospital and different for the past three months, no longer carrying them for a while.   Now this- their first school and first friends and their first best friend ... and now a new school a new beginning, once again. 😪

So I laid there in bed, and thought about the past, and the present, and their future.  I thought about how being their mommy is the best job I have, and will ever have (and how I dont want to mess it up and I want them to be eternally happy!). I thought about how much they have grown, and how proud I am of them and how much love and hope I have for their future. I thought about enjoying every second with them this week and in the weeks and years ahead.  I cried, I smiled, and I cried.  I kissed them on their heads, those babies of mine.

PS I have already informed Emily’s mom Cathryn she’s stuck with me 💖

Listen to the song and be reminded of that precious innocence we all once had. I hope we always do, even if only in our memories.💝🖼

"...and they lived happily ever after"

This picture slideshow created with Smilebox

Year 1

Free digital slideshow personalized with Smilebox Our Year 1

Year 2

Free photo slideshow created with Smilebox Last night Jay and I celebrated our 2 Year Anniversary ... the day we met, stayed up talking till 6 in the morning, and fell in love with eachother!! Little did he know I was working hard on his gift. This is a compilation of our memories in YEAR 2!  Warning - it is JAM PACKED with lots of amazing memories. Feel free to fast forward through our magical Year 2! :) Jay- thanks for making every day of my life memorable, even when we are just celebrating hand in hand eating Fro Yo, hehe. I Love you today, tomorrow, and always!

Thanks for fixing my broken heart

I guess you fixed my broken heart :) 

So 363 days of the year, I live a pretty darn happy, giving and adventurous life.  Exploring new places, locally and around the world, meeting new "friends" everywhere I go.  After all, a stranger is just a friend who you haven't met yet :).   I try to give back to those in need in a variety of ways, and always treat others as I would want to be treated.  Of course, I  am human- so there are good days, and bad days- but over all I try my best to live a stress free/ go with the flow/ "good ju ju" (my own personal pet phrase- defined as giving out positive energy) type of life-style.  Why  only 363 days you ask?  Well once a year I go for my annual Cardiologist check up (which can count as day 365) and that day, and the night before always leaves me a bit sleepless and anxious (so I discount two care free days).  For those of you who have not read it already, and want to read the back story you can check out my first blog here  "Get Fit, Get Healthy, Get Happy!".

Any who, as the day approaches, I can't help but wonder- will this be the year...that I need surgery?    I of course, am an "over achiever"- and a "what- if'er".  Any other what-if'ers out there know that you think, over think, and exhaust the possibilities when strategically planning or making a decision.  It is a conscious effort for me to *not* do this.  Which leads me to the extreme opposing end of the spectrum of "try anything once" attitude.  After all, you only live once- don't live that life with regrets.  Scared of heights? Yes-very much so.  Want to go zip lining in Costa Rica?  Sure, why not?  A bit scared of Jaws?  Who isn't?  Want to cage dive with sharks?  Sounds like a lovely idea!  I am a bit of a dare devil;  a thrill seeker if you will.  That's the stuff that makes life interesting of course!  Sometimes you have to take the uncharted course.  Sometimes you just have to leap without thinking (or over thinking).

American Tobacco Trail 

When Jay and I went on our second date we decided to go on a bike ride down the Tobacco Trail in NC.  A beautiful, winding trail that meanders beneath the coverage of beautiful trees.   We got to the point of dusk and he asked me if I wanted to go back before dark, or keep going?  Little did I know it was a test! haha  Unbeknownst to me, and not wanting to end a delightful conversation- I insisted we keep going.  No flash lights, no lights on the trail - we biked into pitch dark night air, talking and laughing to the end of the trail, and back again.  It ended up being one of the most fun nights of my life.

My Bionic Arm 

That doesn't sound so strange, or challenging, but what he did not know is this was the first time I had biked in a year.  Not because I did not enjoy biking, in fact it was one of my greatest passions, until the the year before.   In a biking accident,  I broke not one, not two, but THREE bones biking down a mountain of death in Rhode Island.  I skidded off course when a car came too close, braked and rolled over the handle bars, and kept rolling and rolling (helmet free).  I was lucky to be alive the ER Dr said, but I broke my elbow and shattered my radius and ulna (right wrist).  That didn't include the epic road rash and ambulance ride to the hospital, and subsequent surgery to put an iron plate and seven screws in my wrist- black and decker approved- my bionic arm, if you will.  Was I scared of biking?  Yes actually!  But I dared to overcome my fears, sucked it up, and felt brave and strong.  I am not sure why I did, maybe it was being with Jay, and feeling like he would keep me safe (even though we had just met, I knew he would).

Broken Me

The day before my birthday he proposed to me that we compete in a Bike-a-thon.  52 Miles through all five boroughs in NYC.  As a born and raised "New Yorka",  I lived/worked/grew up in 4 of the 5 boroughs.  I grew up in Brooklyn, moved to Queens in HS, moved to the Bronx for College, and worked in Manhattan...Strangely,  I had never set foot in Staten Island, so that was one incentive- but not a great one haha.  52 miles was a LONG way!  The most I have ever done was 24-30 tops, and that was on a good (and sore) day!  Could I do it?  Dare I try?  I decided if I was going to do it, it had to be for a cause greater than me.  That way, if I felt like quitting, I would force myself to go on because there was more at risk than a personal victory, but a greater good. So I decided to raise money for the wonderful organization Red Cross, as I was the chair for Cisco Club Red and the Triangle Red Cross.  My hard work, sweat and tears would go towards helping others, and proving to myself anything is possible.

Our victory celebration after 52 miles!

As we pedaled on- through Central Park, and the Brooklyn and Queens neighborhood I grew up in, my life flashed before my eyes.  The chain on my bike broke twice at the very end, and became much harder to push.  When we got to the last jaunt over the Staten Island Verrazano Bridge- I felt the ultimate pain, and thought that's it, I can't go on- it's all over!  It was in that moment I felt a gentle hand on my back helping to guide and push me up the hill.  Jay said in my ear "don't worry, we can do this together".  Once we got over the hump, and started going down hill again, I got my second wind.  We pedaled and prevailed as the announcer shouted- "Congratulations YOU DID IT"!  I could have cried, I was so happy, and none of the tiredness could be felt in that moment, just sheer joy and happiness.  I did it!  We did it!  TOGETHER- anything is possible!

Certain people in your life are there for you no matter what, good times or bad.  They help believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself.  I am blessed to have several of those people in my life, and Jay and my mom top that list.  As I sat in the Doctor's office and laid down for my echo cardiogram (which is a lot like a sonogram for a baby, just pointed at your heart). I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what the Dr. would say.  I listened to the gentle swoosh swoosh of my heart and remembered the words Jay said to me on that faithful day- "Don't worry- we can do this together".  I felt comfort in knowing he was there for me, no matter what, as well as all the love and support from my family and friends.

Dr. Liao

When my Dr. Came in he said, I don't know what to tell you...PAUSE...  My heart starts beating faster, panic sets in, is he trying to kill me??    "You moved to NY, why did you want to come all the way back to NC?"  THAT is what he didn't know what to tell me?  My gosh, he could have given me a heart attack.  "I like you", I retorted! "Duke has some of the best Cardiologists and Doctors in the world, why switch?  Plus, it's  a great excuse to come back home and visit work, family, and friends".  He smiled "Oh okay, sounds great to me- love to keep you here"  as he continued to smile..."So your results were GREAT!  ::Cue my sigh of relief::.  My condition, although still severe, not only maintained, but the diameter reduced in size!  (unprecedented success).  " Whatever you're doing- the fitness, and exercise, keep it up, it agrees with you".  "Wow -Amazing News! Fitness is key- that sure proves my blog hypothesis right"- I thought to myself.  "She's in love" my mom chimed in from the background.  "That surely must help as well, this lucky guy helped fix your broken heart" he smiled.   "He sure did" I said smiling ear to ear :)

I live another year! 363 more days of happy bliss.  A new reminder to live each day to the fullest, push myself to the limits, and know that anything is possible- especially when we're together!  As scary as those one or two days are, they give me a new lease on life.  I encourage each of you to take today as your "get out of jail free card".  Mark it on your calenders, as an annual reminder.  You have ONE YEAR from that day, to enjoy every minute of your life, and to "Live like you are dying" (I encourage you to listen to the beautiful words of the song, and make it your goal this year, and every year thereafter!).  See you in a year, can't wait to see how you LIVED every day of LIFE.

Leap Year

Happy Leap Year everyone! Here's some food for thought, where were you 4 years ago on today? Where will you be four years from now?

 

If you were to ask me to predict my life, as it stands now, it would have been unfathomable!  The past four years have been a bit of a blurred whirl wind of change...luckily for me, for the better.  I have had no way of predicting that I would be the happiest I have been in my entire life. I never thought I would be living in NY again, or lucky and blessed enough to meet the love ...of my life Jay McBain (aka the other half of my cutest couple hehe). That I would have lost over 35 pounds, or had a new career at Cisco.  Or that I would have almost met half my goal of exploring 100 countries and stepping foot on 7 continents. So much can change, so much, so quickly. Sometimes it all feels like a surreal dream.

For those interested, here is the "Story of Us", I made for our one year Anniversary :)

Make your own free slideshow

 The past four years have brought me so many wonderful new friends, family, and opportunities.   I can NOT forget the two amazing young ladies I am so blessed to have in my life... Danica and Mila! Jay's beautiful, intelligent, funny, sweet and wonderful daughters.All of our memories over the past year and a half, mean the world to me.  Going shopping with Danica for her 8th grade grad dress, she looked so beautiful!  Watching Mila play soccer and make Ref - you are a rockstar!  Visits with lovely Momma G, and Pampa & Audrey.All of the laughter, inside jokes, wonderful memories. I adore you all , and am so lucky to all the wonderful McBains in my life. I cannot imagine my life without you!

My mom and I

 I have moved many times in my life, and it is never easy leaving those you love.  They say home is where the heart is, so I know no matter where I am, as long as Jay and I are together,  I know I will be very happy. Thanks to the power of social-media , the world has become much smaller.  We can FB, Google+, Tweet, Blog, FourSquare etc and those I love, near or afar can keep up with each other.  Those who want to can see my life, our travels, our stories, our pictures and feel like they are right along side for the ride, are welcomed to do so every step of the way.  I am so happy that I get to visit my mom Mary Anne tomorrow for her birthday, and see all my wonderful NC friends and family!  As always, it will be bitter sweet to leave them but it is nice to know that we are all only a "click" away!

For those who don't know my story- I will give you the short version.  I say with pride, my mom is a phenomenal and courageous woman, who left a domestically abusive marriage when I was 8 months old and raised me by herself.  Just her and I, so we are very close.  I did not know my father, nor did I have a desire too.  However through default, I also became estranged from his family.  About three years ago, I received an e-mail from a girl named Caitlin.  The first sentence went a bit like this "Dear Michelle, I think I might be your long lost sister....just kidding, I AM!  I have been looking for you for the past ten years"...

After I cleaned the coffee I spit out of my mouth, and picked my  jaw up off of the floor-- I called my mom,  could it be true?  Could I really have a sister?  My mom confirmed, and said if I wanted to talk to them, they were my siblings and she would support me, as she does in all aspects of my life.  I know this sound like made for TV movie, and is an extremely strange situation, but it is very different when you are the one IN the situation .  This was not an easy decision for me.  I am almost 30 years old, and have lived my life without even the knowledge of them.  I knew this could be like opening Pandora's Box- even the slightest

My sister and I loving up our brother :)

opening, and who knows what could pour out of it?

After much contemplation, curiosity out-weighted my fear or hesitation.  After all, it was not their fault our father was a bad man, or made bad decisions.   It was an amazing experience reconnecting with a long lost sibling- squared.  Well not only did I have a sister, but a brother too!    I already have such an AMAZING family, but to boot I have since been reunited and introduced to a WHOLE new family ( two new amazing aunts who are a big part of my life and an array of incredible cousins- (as if I didn't have enough in the first place)! You know what they say, the more the merrier!  And now, my baby sister is about to be a mommy!  She is due on my birthday, ironically enough!  Maybe that is a sign?  Deep down I believe everything in life happens for a reason.

My grandma and me

And lastly, if all that wasn't enough?  My beloved "Babci" (which means Grandma in Polish) is now an Angel in heaven. I adore my Babci. I miss my grandma everyday! I know you are in heaven, smiling over me. I know you would approve of Jay too :D You always did like Tom Cruise :) haha More importantly you would know what a good guy he is, and how happy he makes me. You were always a hopeless romantic ( I get that from you) I know you are watching over me, because I am not so "hopeless" anymore. :D Love you always... God Bless you and keep you, until we meet again....



I could have written this on a piece of loose-leaf paper, put it in a metal chest, dug a whole and buried it within the earth and resurrected it four years from now...but, I am not so good with a shovel.  So I have decided to cathartically share my tale with you all.  A digital scrap book if you will.  Four years from now, thanks to the power of the cloud, I will pull this back up and see how my life has changed.  This is my last few months in this decade, before I enter my thirties.  So far, it has been an exciting ride.  I have been surrounded by love, laughter, bitter sweet times, but above all wonderful memories.  I will look back on all of these experiences strange, exciting, or hum drum (not as many by comparison for some strange reason)- with fondness and a smile, because all of these experience, all of you, have helped shaped who I am today.  I don't know what the future holds, but I can only pray the trajectory keeps rising to endless positive possibilities (both for us, and all of you!).  See you in four years 2-29! I can't wait to see what you have in store for me.

Don't just dream big ...Dream Elephant BIG!

"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment, until it becomes a Memory"

Yesterday I had the rare weekend gift of going on a five mile hike with my loves (furry and non).  As I am shorter, and only have two legs, I usually trail behind (even though it takes two of my little steps to catch up for every one of Jay's 6 foot tall steps).  As I walked, my mind drifted in and out of consciousness of the present moment, it was then I was struck by the light.  Rays of  sun light that is, illuminating over downtown Albany perfectly centered over the small mountain we had hiked atop of.  It was there where I saw the most majestic of suns setting over the city below.

It is not hard to see why the ancients thought that God(s) lived within the sun.  Throughout history, literature, religion, art, philosophy, the sun has shown bright. Sparkling, bright, and vivid was the giant tangerine orange ball of fire descending from the heavens .  They say you should not look directly into the sun, but I could not look away, it was stunning.  Something so simple, you see it every day, and yet perhaps the commonality of observance takes for granted the sheer beauty of it.  Each morning sunrise, and sun set is so spectacularly different from the next.  I lingered in the moment, as Jay realized I had fell behind and returned to see what gave me pause.  There together hand in hand we watched in breathtaking awe as the fire in the sky slowly disappeared in the horizon with a flash leaving behind only a fleeting rainbow of colors before dusk.

Costa Rica

I treasured that moment, and reflected on the walk back, now hurriedly through the woods before dark. I reflected on all of the brilliant sun rises and sun sets I have seen in my life, and those magical ones I have yet seen only in my dreams. Some of the more exotic memories I have from my travels feel like more of a dream.  A brief moment of reality that I will treasure forever more. Emerging from the jungle, galloping on horseback, to the beach of Samara, Costa Rica and stopping to see the sun set over the beautiful ocean. Seeing the sun set in a vision which I can only describe as surreal over the plains of the Safari in South Africa as we stopped to see Elephants, Zebras, and Giraffes in the blissful silence of their natural environment. Jay and I were lucky to see a glorious sunset almost every night that we were in Scandinavia (except for Iceland where the sun never sat =)).  On a ferry ride in Finland (we could see Russia from our hou...I mean Ferry ;)). Spontaneously renting bikes and meandering through Stockholm over the beautiful islands as the sunlight glistens off the water below. Strolling down the longest street in the world, Strogat in Denmark.

Finland/Sweden/Denmark

Cape Town, South Africa

 All of my blogs have been dedicated to the things in life that instill the most passion in me:  travel, technology, fitness and health .  No matter what I do, or where I go, I have fun doing it.  To me every moment is an experience, a memory which one day I will cherish forever- from exotic hikes down Table Mountain to the coast in South Africa, to strolls exploring the local gems around our home this past weekend.  Sometimes you have a mission and purpose, and sometimes you are just exploring-  local neighborhoods, hidden treasures, or foreign wanders.  For example,  ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of being in the circus so I can be one of the beautiful costumed women who rides the elephants.  This dream had a chance of becoming a reality when we were in Thailand.  Not speaking a lick of the language and using charades, planes, trains and automobiles, we set out to try and and find the local elephant park and ride one before the park closes!  We drove two hours and finally found it, unfortunately it had closed.  Things don't always go the way you want it to... but life is about goals, and striving to be your best, do your best and sometimes, not taking no for an answer!  If you believe it, you can achieve it.  Part of that is just believing in the unbelievable.  Anything is possible- you just need to dream BIG!

That's ME on top of  Marco the Elephant!

For some reason the whole time I was on the elephant in pure ecstasy (and disbelief) I had not one thought go through my mind.  I just paused and relished in the moment which was my child-hood dream coming to reality.  My heart beating a mile a minute, and a smile ear to ear as Mario (the Thai elephant) and I became forever friends.  On the drive home a million thoughts and feelings went through my mind, and the one poem which came to my thoughts, was "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost, a classic, and one of my personal favorites.  I will share it with you as a reminder, or as a life changing moment for those of you who have not yet had the opportunity to read it.  Please take a moment to read it,  pause, and let it sink in.We all have choices in life, paths to take, roads to follow.  Which path will you choose? 

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;        

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,        

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.        

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

So these are my key take-a-ways from today's blog:  Remember to keep it moving- walking, hiking, biking, kayaking, elephant riding  (that is some major core work, believe it or not) :).  Dream BIG (Elephant BIG!), anything is possible.  Wander off the path less traveled by, as Robert Frost would advise, that will make all the difference.  Don't be afraid to take a chance, and try new things, and re-do familiar favorites and fall in love with them all over again. Always have fun, life is to short not too.  But remember, while you are out there moving and shaking,  to pause, take a deep breath, and enjoy the simple moments in life;  The sunsets with the one you love, the moments that matter most, the experiences that will last a lifetime!