Monday, November 5, 2018

On this day, six years ago- I met a boy who changed my life ... Jay McBain

On this day, six years ago, I met a boy.  A cute, smart, sweet handsome man- who made me smile and laugh - until six in the morning!  We sat in a crowded room of music and people and just talked and - fell in love.  He kissed me, and I knew I was in trouble!

The events that unfolded were more than I could have imagined.  We have traveled the world laughing and smiling.  We have been by each others side through good times and bad.  We made a house into a home- you took a young "moon eyed" girl and made her your wife (wif), and a mother (ma ma).

We have loved, we have lost, we have changed (mostly my hair πŸ’πŸΌ), we have stayed the same (mostly your hair πŸ’‡πŸ»‍♂️), we have fought - I have screamed, you've ignored, we make up 😜.  "I won't give up on us- even if the tides get rough".  You are the calm to my storm ⛈.  We lost fur children, and grandparents πŸ˜ͺ, we have watched two daughters grow into beautiful smart young womenπŸ‘―, and two babies be born out of our love ❤️ and grow.

Through it all I love exploring the world with you by my side- regardless of the place, language, or reason (50 + countries, countless cities, thousands of water ways, and infinite paths).  You share the same spontaneity and zest for life I do to make every day an adventure and make the ordinary extraordinary 😍!  We have so many memories in such a short time- a lifetime, and we are just beginning!  I cannot wait for our next adventure.  Or- just laying on the couch smiling and laughing.

I love holding your hand, kissing you, seeing the amazing father you are, the kind son, the loving partner, the good man you are and always strive to be.

You are the first person I want to run to when I have good news, or shoulder I want to cry on when I have the worst day ever, and everything seems to go wrong.  You help make our house a home 🏑- "when you put your arms around me I am home" #WeddingSong it amazes me how we can still talk for 8 hrs on a road trip - and yet few content in silence knowing what the other person is thinking πŸ’­ before they say it.  I like you, I love you πŸ˜˜πŸ’•.  I will always be here for you, no matter what - you are stuck with me πŸ’‹.

Some fun memories and inside jokes for you- "never take the same way twice- assassins", "I was making dinner", "do you want some ... cheese πŸ§€?" "Meow", "I do, I do that!" , "Schmoo1 and Schmoo 2", from sad love songs to fist pumping anthems, "that's my favorite song", "buffer the buffers", "Roses are red, Violets are Blue", "snuffapus", "I'll always have moon πŸŒ™ eyes for you" and love you under the stars ✨ "Up Above's".

Thank you for choosing me, for loving me, for making me fall in love with you over and over again, for keeping me sane, for loving me even when I'm insane, for opening my door, for bringing me chai tea ☕️, for going out even when you don't feel like it, for changing a diaper or two...(or thousands), for sharing your bed, your heart ❤️, your home, your love.  I am blessed - you really are the man of my dreams and I will love you until my last breath! I do, I will, forever! πŸ’—πŸ’™

Baby Mine, I will always love you

Deep thoughts πŸ’­

I just laid down with the girls and had Alexa sing us some songs from the lullaby station.  The whole album is beautiful but Nick Lachey sings a gorgeous song “Baby Mine” to his son. At 3:31 Baby Mine Song (the whole album is beautiful lullabies he dedicated to his son Camden).

I laid there, squished in the middle of Brooklyn Marie and Cali Rose and began balling my eyes out.  To the point where I had to calm myself so I didn’t wake them up.

Today was a beautiful and hard day for me.  I took them back with their friends to play for the last time.  Not on the weekends, but with most of them.  I watched them for 2.5 hours speak their own silly language and laugh and sing.   I watched Emma-E (sweet Emily) take her best friends hand and sit under a tree, just the two of them for over half an hour.  In toddler world, that is a lifetime.

I thought, this is what God must feel like to know a future which we do not yet know. To watch us with love and want us to be happy, no matter what.

I prayed we were making the right decision.  People say, they are just kids, they are adaptable, they will make new friends.  But, in that moment my heart broke.  For 3.5 hours every day Brooklyn, Cali and Emily play together. They name their toys after each other.  Brooklyn said she’s excited for the new school as long as Emily comes too. Also, there were new friends I met today too- so ecstatic to see our girls after a few days of their absence, (and me bitter sweet not knowing if we would ever see them again, but hoping someday we would).  Although I’m pretty sure I’ll invite them all to the birthday parties, and play dates... especially Emily, and Jake (Cali’s boyfriend haha πŸ˜‚).

I begin work next week, after my medical leave. I am thankful I’ve been able to rest and recover and spend the sick days together.  I feel blessed I was able to work from home while they were babies...

Babies. And then it hits me, they are not babies anymore? They call themselves baby, I call them my babies... but they are turning 3 and 5 years old.  It feels like I blinked and there they sit having a conversation with one another.  Starting another school.  I know I will blink again and there will be science projects and math homework and book reports.  And then again and there will be drivers permits and proms and cheer or sports practice.  And again and they will no longer want me to spend 3 hours or even 5 seconds with their friends at school (but I hope that’s not true).

I closed my eyes as I listened to the leaves 🍁 blow in that school yard.  The director, Miss Wendy has been there 30 years.  I wondered how many children have come and gone and grown.  Our very own Emily’s daddy went there when he was a young boy. Where are they now? Where will our girls be? Where will their best friends be? Where will any of us be?

I close my eyes again and I can see myself at that age, walking to school through the changing leafs with my own grandma, Babci.  I miss her more than words.  She died one month before I met Jay, she never got to meet the girls... but I like to believe she was in that breeze in the trees watching over them today with me.

And my mom who has been a blessing for 8 crazy months with us this year - and we are so thankful.  I am sad she is leaving in a month, I know the girls will miss her too- even more change.  So much change.  They miss their nanny Lori and the only home they ever knew, and all of their grandparents as we start our new life in a new state (with one permanent-season- eternal sunshine ☀️... of the spotless mind).  Then of course there was my heart surgery and me being gone in the hospital and different for the past three months, no longer carrying them for a while.   Now this- their first school and first friends and their first best friend ... and now a new school a new beginning, once again. πŸ˜ͺ

So I laid there in bed, and thought about the past, and the present, and their future.  I thought about how being their mommy is the best job I have, and will ever have (and how I dont want to mess it up and I want them to be eternally happy!). I thought about how much they have grown, and how proud I am of them and how much love and hope I have for their future. I thought about enjoying every second with them this week and in the weeks and years ahead.  I cried, I smiled, and I cried.  I kissed them on their heads, those babies of mine.

PS I have already informed Emily’s mom Cathryn she’s stuck with me πŸ’–

Listen to the song and be reminded of that precious innocence we all once had. I hope we always do, even if only in our memories.πŸ’πŸ–Ό